My fun talk with jenn today...

HidingInWinter: guess who's back
G l JENN: ::::Waves frantically:::
HidingInWinter: haha
HidingInWinter: yeah, video games bore me nowadays
HidingInWinter: its sad
G l JENN: aww
HidingInWinter: sooooo whats up?
G l JENN: bah...
G l JENN: andrew asked what was up with you
HidingInWinter: what did you tell him?
G l JENN: in short, that it was my fault for being a bitch and making a promise that i didnt know if i was able to keep
HidingInWinter: you told him what was up?
G l JENN: jah, should i have not?
HidingInWinter: meh, I'd rather not have him in on whats going on
HidingInWinter: but whatever
HidingInWinter: it's no big deal
G l JENN: im sorry, i didnt know what else to say
G l JENN: bah...
HidingInWinter: what?
G l JENN: i feel caught in like tv teen melodrama
HidingInWinter: im sorry
HidingInWinter: then i wont be melodramatic
G l JENN: i didnt mean on your part
HidingInWinter: well i dont know what to say, I thought this was over weeks ago, but apparently I was wrong
HidingInWinter: then again, you've been hinting that you didn't want to go through with it enough
HidingInWinter: like when I asked if you wanted to come over for fourth of july, you brought up that he was comming up and you weren't looking foward to breaking his heart
HidingInWinter: I can't take it anymore, I told you before I couldn't deal with it any longer, and now I dont know what to do
G l JENN: its not fair to you at all
HidingInWinter: no its not
HidingInWinter: and it wasn't fair that you told me that you "choose me" and now you're finally telling me you dont have the heart to break up with him
HidingInWinter: then again, it's my fault for asking
HidingInWinter: if I didn't bring it up, there wouldn't be this drama right now
HidingInWinter: I just want to know who you want to be with, that's all
HidingInWinter: you cant have both
HidingInWinter: its either me or him, I'm not putting myself through this anymore
HidingInWinter: i cant
G l JENN: but... what if its not you?
HidingInWinter:  so its not
HidingInWinter: you'd rather be with him, right?
HidingInWinter: if it's not me, you should have told me this weeks ago
G l JENN: i didnt know that weeks ago?
HidingInWinter: so you choose him?
HidingInWinter: yes or no
G l JENN: why?
HidingInWinter: why what?
G l JENN: im sorry, yes.
HidingInWinter: good then
HidingInWinter: so we're officially through
HidingInWinter: the reason i put you on the spot is because i feel that you've been trying to get me to break up with you this whole time
G l JENN: but that hasnt been what ive been trying to do
HidingInWinter: well, either way, this is where we stand now
HidingInWinter: i cant say i understand why you chose him, but i respect that you chose
HidingInWinter: can I ask a question?
G l JENN: sure?
HidingInWinter: how long have you known that you;d rather be with him than me, please tell me the truth, you can't hurt me anymore than you already have
G l JENN: i dont, for all i know this will be the wrost decision ive ever made
HidingInWinter: well at least yo umade one
G l JENN: i cant know
HidingInWinter: ?
HidingInWinter: what does that mean?
G l JENN: idk, maybe i thought you knew what i was trying to choose against
G l JENN: im sorry i couldnt throw a year and half away
HidingInWinter: im sorry you're scared to move on
HidingInWinter: that was spiteful of me, you didn't deserve that
G l JENN: im sorry is never enough... this is the end?
HidingInWinter: the end of what?
G l JENN: of us?
HidingInWinter: being together?
HidingInWinter: that was you're choice, no?
HidingInWinter: you just told me you'd rather be with him
G l JENN: a forced one, but a choice nonetheless
HidingInWinter: forced?
HidingInWinter: bullshit
HidingInWinter: I am sick of waiting around for you to get your act together, im tired of sleepless nights and the physical illness, the snapping at my friends
HidingInWinter: have yo umade up your mind or not, is what I want to know
HidingInWinter: if yo uwant hiim, enjoy, and I hope you're happy, if you want me, then I'm here for you. I'm done with the games. I'm tired of dancing around the subject. Look in your heart, and see what makes you happy
G l JENN: ... i'll be taking my happiness in limited doses then.
HidingInWinter: stop this
HidingInWinter: what does that mean?
HidingInWinter: not everything has to, or deserves to be a metaphor
G l JENN: it means that i cant deal, that i chose pj despite the fact you make me happy
HidingInWinter: well then, we are done
HidingInWinter: to answer you're question
HidingInWinter: does he make you happy?
G l JENN: sometimes?
HidingInWinter: good, then enjoy that
HidingInWinter: it was really nice knowing you
HidingInWinter: and I'm genuinely sorry for fucking up what semblence of a relationship you have
G l JENN: im sorry.
HidingInWinter: you're not
HidingInWinter: im sorry, i just cant believe that you're sorry for all of this
HidingInWinter: it seems like everything was just doctored so that yo ucan have your cake and eat it too
HidingInWinter: it might not have been
HidingInWinter: but i dont know
HidingInWinter: you dont talk to me
G l JENN: for in essence, fucking you over? how could i not be sorry
HidingInWinter: you dont tell me whats going on
HidingInWinter: yo udid fuck me over
HidingInWinter: not only that but you lied to me in the harshest way I have ever been lied to before
HidingInWinter: How could you tell me that yo ucare about me, and do all of this?
HidingInWinter: how could you tell me that "you choose me" and then put me through this, the same shit that I was dealing with before I even asked you to choose
G l JENN: i dont know
HidingInWinter: I dont understand you
HidingInWinter: its heartless
HidingInWinter: its sickening
HidingInWinter: how am i supposed to believe that you cared
HidingInWinter: i dont understand
G l JENN: you wouldnt believe me if i told you i cared now.
HidingInWinter: you're right
HidingInWinter: you put me in this situation
HidingInWinter: if you had told me before that you didn't want to give up this "relatioship", then i would have been out of that door, I wouldn't be here right now
HidingInWinter: but you lied
HidingInWinter: and let it drag on
HidingInWinter: how could yo udo that to someone that you care about?
HidingInWinter: did you think I dont have feelings?
HidingInWinter: that I would care?
HidingInWinter: *wouldn't
HidingInWinter: I do care
G l JENN: fuck i know you have feelings
G l JENN: i have no idea what im doing and you got screwed for it
G l JENN: how many other ways would you like me to tell you that
HidingInWinter: im so disapointed in myself, really I am
G l JENN: sure know how to pick em?
HidingInWinter: i dont know why i let myself get attached, I know that  I shouldn't
HidingInWinter: especially not this early in the game
HidingInWinter: but I did, because i figured that  Iowed you the shot
G l JENN: and you dont think i tried?
HidingInWinter: tried what?
G l JENN: you dont think i was attached at all?
HidingInWinter: I dont understand you
G l JENN: i tried to be in a relationship with you?
HidingInWinter: you havent tried anything?
HidingInWinter: i've just been this backup for you
HidingInWinter: its not like you broke up with pj or whatever his name is
HidingInWinter: you never gave me the chance
G l JENN: please tell me you dont believe that.
HidingInWinter: what am I supposed to believe, what you say, or what you've shown me?
G l JENN: i dont know

"This is Now"

Make your choice, from on your knees
chose to run away for good
can you stand up, wipe your chin off girl
how easily can you wash yourself clean?

take it all back,
the words you said to make me like this
i dont want it to be,
this is this, this is over

My grave lies deep in denial
with a flood of what we all hold dear
Though I'm tired, yeah I'm tired now
laid to rest, with all that she feels

with me

still i tried it out,
tried to take you out
and I tried not to care,
but I didnt care enough to try
anything new from you.
anything new would have done but I knew
knew what you were
what you were wasn't for me,
so I leave again
leave for you again,
again and again but I'm through

with you

Long time since I've put anything here, but I wrote a little something just now, before i go to bed. Simple 2 verse + chorus, played around with a acoustic line for it. "Home"

Im home now, I guess it could be worse
in everything that I could see
it all breaks up in the frame of things to be
I'm home now, and I feel like an afternoon's gone by
without anyone noticing
we all miss what we take for granted

so I guess this is goodbye
but not forever
In a small time you've left impact
where little was before
take care, good night
and luck in everything you do

You're home now, I guess it must be better
but we wont forget you
the people you've left behind in worse seasons
they'll hold you close
we miss the things we notice

so I guess this is goodbye
but just for now
I'll scribble into napkins in your name
dated, timed and placed with care
now I'm left to leave
and this is my goodbye to you

im just writing alot, so i figured I'll put up one more for today. This one is "Shakespeares Greatest Failure". The lyrics are pretty straightfoward, its about falling in love againn with someone whos hurt you before.

Blessed are I
me and we may change
the face of this place
helpless be me
in black and white
I and I
you're me

cant stop feeling
im sick of always naming frailty,
worth my while
to find you
you were the one to make me

the postmark dates our time
so lets rearange it
make it ours
im feeling sick now
but you're my cure
you're my goddess

bitter I
found out im useless
so useless
made up life
this is the new us

your colors hurt my eyes
but I can't stop staring
blind me beside thee
reprieve me
as I excuse you
and you're excused

bitter I
found out I'm useless
so useless
made up life
this is the new us

i bear upon the witness
the newest dawn i can make
to beginings anew
with you

sure, its broken, but it'll sound good when im done with it, I promise